Between You & YOU

When I realized that 90–95% of what we are exists in the subconscious,and only 5–10% is conscious, I understood why it’s so hard for so many people —to know themselves, to change, to make their dreams come true.

I wrote this story on a hot day. Unplanned. I had no idea I could write stories. It’s the second story I’ve ever written — and the first I’ve published.

But let the story unfold…

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There was a world inside me I didn’t know.

If I don’t know it, shouldn’t it remain hidden from everyone? If there’s something I don’t understand, something that hurts me and I don’t know why, shouldn’t I stay away from others?

Yes.

It’s good to stay away from others. Can’t you see everyone does the same? So it must be normal.

— Put on this coat, so no one sees what’s underneath.

— But I’m hot, it’s 40 degrees outside.

— Doesn’t matter, endure it! You don’t want them to see what’s beneath and burn you for it.

— Hello, Green Coat!

— Hello, Gray Coat!

— Nice to meet you. I’m the green coat. Green like the grass — but I keep away so you don’t step on me. Can you tell?

— I’m the gray coat. Like a gloomy autumn day. I scare you, so you won’t come out. Underneath, though, I’m shy… oh, I’ve already said too much.

And so we walk around wearing coats that keep us apart from one another.

Some are more aware, more self-assumed. They know what they’re hiding, or at least suspect it, but they’ve accepted their choice.

Others don’t care if they go without a coat. So what if their scales show? They don’t even notice if, with their scales, they scratch the coats of those around them.

And others — the majority — don’t even know what it’s like to walk without a coat, don’t know themselves, and never wonder if there might be something else beneath.

They go through life like this, in 40-degree heat, carrying a heavy coat, thinking that if everyone else does it, it must be normal.

We’ve turned the abnormal into normality.

How foolish we can be! I can’t help but laugh at how funny we are.

But fine, I’ll pretend I don’t see what’s beneath the coat. Just for the sake of the game. It’s a game, right?

Ugh… do we have to play this game much longer?

It’s not funny anymore. Everyone pretends not to see what’s under the coats, and if someone dares to open theirs a little, they get poked by the others, as if undoing a single button were a crime.

Are we still playing? Hello!!! Anyone here? Where are you?

Do I have to keep this coat on much longer? I’m hot and actually sick of carrying it — it’s too heavy.

Do I have to keep it?

If I drop it, do you think others will understand that I’ve stopped playing?

Or will they hit me through the opening, thinking that’s still part of the game?

Ugh… what should I do? Where are you? Why don’t you answer me?

Okay, okay. Looks like I’m alone. It’s fine. I’ll handle it myself.

Let’s see. Oh! How good it feels without the coat!

Oh my — I have fur on my back.Oh, how ashamed I feel! What will others say, the ones with scales? Hmm… and I have it on my legs too. Interesting. On my back and legs. Does that mean something?

Alright. Fine. I’ll still put something on, something lighter, so I’m not completely bare.

Ah! Look! There are others like me! How come I never saw them before?

— Hello!

— Hi! Nice to meet you! I’m Magda.

— Hi, Magda! I’m Ioana! Look, I have fur on my belly — and my fur is super cool! Why don’t you have fur on your belly?

— I don’t know…

— Well, I’ll teach you how to grow fur on your belly…

— Oh… but… I don’t really want to have fur on my belly… I hope you’re not upset… oh no, you are upset. I’m sorry…

How foolish of me! I finally found someone like me, and I refused to have belly fur. Ugh! I’ll never make friends this way!

Never mind. I want to understand why I have fur on my back and not on my belly…

— Hello, Magda!

— Hello, but how do you know my name? Where did you come from? I can’t see you clearly.

— Step into the light.

— Oh! Look at that! You have fur on your back too! And on your legs! You’re like me!

— I am you. I’m your reflection in the mirror. Look at yourself! Look at your fur. Isn’t it beautiful?

— Hmm… I never thought about it. Actually, I never really looked at it. I didn’t know it was there. But yes, it’s shiny and soft and pleasant to touch.

Oh! It’s beautiful! And the one on my legs…

How strange — fur on my back and on my legs. Who’s ever heard of that?

And the one on my legs is white, while the one on my back is black.

Wow! I’m white and black at the same time.

And the one on my legs is rough and short and a bit prickly. How can it be so different from the one on my back? Is it normal for them to be so different? One way here, another way there?

— It’s normal, yes, relax. Everyone has contrasts.

There’s no one without paradoxes in the same container. You’re normal, it’s okay. Don’t worry.

— Ugh, I’m so glad you said that. But what about the others out there? Some are still dressed, in 40-degree heat, wearing heavy coats. Others have only a blouse or are naked and proud of it. Others walk naked or lightly dressed, but humble. How does that work? Why so much variety?

— Because through variety, you discover who you are. If you didn’t see others with coats, how would you know you’re only wearing a blouse? If you didn’t see others naked, how would you realize you’re still wearing something? If you didn’t see those with “scales,” how would you know to name what you have as “fur”?

You learn who you are through contrasts.

And it’s okay as you are.

Just as they are okay as they are.

— Hmm… that’s a lot of information for me. So what do I do with it now? How do I integrate it?

— You don’t integrate it. You feel it. It’s within you. It’s been there all along.

You only had to remember it.

To remember who you are: Magda — with soft, shiny black fur on your back and rough, white fur on your legs.

And it’s okay as you are. It’s okay to love yourself as you are.

Just remember why you chose to have black fur on your back and white on your legs.

Hmm… I wonder why?